That's Rich!

- a TV sitcom spec script

 

'Comic TV sitcom writer Richie Whittaker's mood is anything but funny. His pet frog's just croaked, his Great Aunt Agatha just left him three trees in Alaska (that need collecting), and his fiancée of three days just dumped him for a Norwegian mortician. Sounds bizarre? Hey, it's just another day in the Think Tank!'

 

 

Outline:

 

Richie is a key member of a writing team for a popular sitcom cum sketch show on network TV - where he draws his darkly humorous inspiration from his real life miseries.

 

 

Format:

 

That's Rich! is mostly set in a Writer's Room and Richie's apartment - both of which see all manner of weird and wonderful comings and goings.

 

Running Time: 30 min

 

 

That's Rich!

email for more information.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

That's Rich!

 

 

OPENING SEQUENCE

 

 

FADE IN: INT. THE WRITER’S ROOM – MORNING

 

(RICHIE, GLORIA, CLAY, JAY)

 

CLAY IS PACING THE FLOOR, LOOKING WORRIED. GLORIA LEAFS THROUGH LAST WEEK’S GAG NOTES, OBLIVIOUS. JAY IS IN THE REST ROOM. SUDDENLY, THE DOOR FLIES OPEN TO REVEAL RICHIE IN A LONG COAT, HIS CHEEKS RED WITH COLD, A SOGGY NEWSPAPER HELD OVER HIS HEAD.

 

 

                                                        RICHIE

 

                                Honey, I’m home!

    

                                                        CLAY

 

                                Oh my god! Richie!

 

 

CLAY TAKES A BREAK FROM PACING TO GIVE RICHIE A BEAR HUG.

 

 

                                                         RICHIE

 

    Boss, I like you. I really do. But

 

    if Gretchen catches us she’ll revoke

 

    my humpty permit.

    

                                                         GLORIA

 

                               And dumpty his humpty. Good morning,

 

  Cutesville.

 

 

TO RICHIE’S RELIEF, CLAY LETS GO.

  

 

                                                         RICHIE   

    

                G’morning, Gloria, Clay.

 

CLAY

             

  So where’s Charlie? He was supposed

 

  to be here at nine. Is he with you?

 

                                          RICHIE

 

                              Hold on while I check my pockets. . .

 

 

RICHIE PATS HIS COAT OUT.

 

 

                                                        RICHIE

 

 No, no . . . Maybe I mislaid him.

 

                            CLAY

 

 So where is he? I thought you guys

 

 slept together?

 

 

RICHIE BEGINS TO UNWIND HIS SCARF.

 

 

RICHIE

 

 You know, I prefer the term ‘temporary

 

 co-residents of inconvenience’. It’s

 

 harder on the linguistic center, but

 

 much less libelous.

 

 

WITH THE PAPER STILL ALOFT, HE HANGS UP THE SCARF.

 

 

GLORIA

 

  Is that a gag?

 

RICHIE

 

 No, it’s a scarf. Good guess, though.

 

 

WEARILY, GLORIA POINTS TO THE NEWSPAPER.

 

 

RICHIE

 

 Oh, this? You noticed, huh? . . .

 

 Emergency umbrella.

 

 

HE LOWERS THE PAPER AS JAY ENTERS FROM THE RESTROOM AREA.

 

 

JAY

 

 And what happened to the one I

 

 bought you for your birthday?

 

 

RICHIE UNLOADS HIS COAT AND HANGS IT UP.

 

 

RICHIE

 

 That trendy little PVC number? . . .

 

 Can you believe I loaned it out to

  

 this dear old nanny? So sweet. So

 

 very innocent looking. Next thing I

 

 knew, she was taking off with it. . .

 

 

CLAY THROWS HIS HANDS IN THE AIR, HEADS TOWARDS HIS OFFICE.

 

 

CLAY

 

                             Welcome to the nut house!

 

 

END OF OPENING SEQUENCE

 

 

(OPENING TITLES)

 

 

ACT I

 

Scene I

 

FADE IN: INT. THE WRITER’S ROOM – MORNING

 

(RICHIE, GLORIA, JAY, CLAY)

 

RICHIE IS SAT AT HIS DESK, STARING MISERABLY AT HIS CELL

PHONE. JAY IS DOING HIS THING. CLAY IS IN HIS OFFICE. AND GLORIA IS ON THE EDGE OF RICHIE’S DESK, SHOWING CALVES.

 

 

                            GLORIA

 

 So, Richard. Why the long face? If

 

 it gets any longer you’ll be able

 

 to eat your lunch from a nosebag.

 

                            RICHIE

 

 I don’t understand it; she said

 

 she’d call. We're engaged for heaven's sake!

 

                            GLORIA

 

 Who?

 

                            RICHIE

 

 Gretchen!

 

                           GLORIA

 

 Gretchen who?

 

                           RICHIE

 

It didn’t get that far.

 

                           GLORIA

 

That serious, huh?

 

                          RICHIE

 

 Let’s just say I didn’t get to

 

 divide and conquer this weekend.

 

 Okay? Satisfied?

 

                           GLORIA

 

                             Oh, you poor thing!

 

 

SHE GETS UP AND MOVES BRISKLY BACK TO HER DESK

 

 

                                                        GLORIA

 

                             . . . Dump her.

 

                                                        JAY

 

                             Richard, I’m worried. That’s the

 

third weekend in a row.

 

                                                       RICHIE

         

Actually, it’s the fourth - if you

 

count her, you know . . . her lunar

 

phase thingy.

 

 

CLAY POKES HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS OFFICE DOORWAY.

 

 

                                                      CLAY

         

                            Richie. My office. Now.

 

 

GRUMBLING, RICHIE GETS UP AND LUMBERS TOWARDS CLAY'S OFFICE.

 

 

JAY

 

Face it, Richard. This is how the

 

end begins. They promise you the

 

world, then they drop you the

 

moment a cute guy in hot-pants walk by.

 

 

RICHIE PAUSES IN THE DOORWAY.

 

 

                        RICHIE

 

You know, you can’t beat quasi-female

 

logic. Any place, any time.

 

 

End of Scene

 

  

 

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